Unwanted Packages....

'When you stop believing in Santa....

You get underwear.'

We all loved when the Sears Wish book arrived.  Even though it usually arrived at our doorsteps in August or September, the Christmas countdown was then officially turned on!  After fighting with my siblings about who got it first, we all flipped first to the sections with toys, games and sporting equipment. 

When I was alone however... like all sexually confused and closeted young kids, I then sneaked a peak at the 2, maybe 4 pages displaying men's underwear. Those poor Sears male model's all got a holiday modeling gig, but one where their crotches were all airbrushed so they all looked like Ken dolls. Even though these penisless people were incapable of getting a stiffy, they did have the power to produce them in others.

As erotic as they catalogue pages were to a 10 year old, in the end, underwear wasn't something you wanted to find under the Christmas tree.  It was embarrassing getting those little plastic bags with 3 or 6 pairs of white or multi-colored briefs.  It was especially awkward if they came from your great aunt.  No one wants to think of their great aunt when they slip on their briefs every morning before school.

The Ten Least Favorite Gifts Boys Want To Find Under The Tree:

10. Battery operated Toys (Without batteries when all the stores were closed)

9. Notebooks or diaries

8. Mittens

7. Puzzles

6. Dictionary (pre having the net)

5. Socks

4. Slippers

3. Toothbrush or Dental Floss

2. Homemade ANYTHING:  Scarfs, Bathrobes, Sweaters

1. UNDERWEAR! 

8

When we get a little older, like in our late teens or twenties, getting sexy underwear from someone you're in a relationship can be fun.  It's also hot to let them know whenever you're together in the future that you're wearing them.  When you give them as a gift yourself, you feel a hot (but looking back icky) sense ownership over your partners genitals when they're wearing the undies that you gave them.

By the time we reach our thirties, we sort of tire of getting underwear again, especially from the person we're seeing or connected with.  The ownership bull is over, at least for those who've matured, and the underwear is usually not that comfortable, and you're at the stage you go for comfort, and prefer to buy your underwear yourself. 

I'm guessing however, but by the time you hit your fifties or sixties, you're back to enjoying, or at least pretending to enjoy, getting underwear as gifts.  My mom gave my dad sock, underwear or slippers almost every Christmas for years on end.  I swear she re-gifted unopened bags of underwear he never wore several years in a row.  He never seemed to notice, or admit he noticed, and pretended it was the best Christmas gift ever. 

If you want to see out more retro underwear ads I gathered together, head on over to the NEXT PAGE HERE: