Tuesday, December 18, 2012

12 Tips to Survive Your Office Holiday Party

The office Christmas party can be one of the most stressful events of the year. Imagine a party that most invitees don't actually want to attend, one where most of the guest list you can barely tolerate, a few you had sex with and now don't speak to, a boss who makes your life a living hell. Not to mention those people you usually try hard to avoid due to missteps at Christmas parties from the previous years! I have had my fair share of Christmas party incidents and thought I would share some tips I have put together to help get you through the annual holiday get together! Take heed, ignoring even just one of the following tips can put having anything close to a Merry Christmas a great risk!

1. Prepare Something To Bring

Unfortunately even though you don't even want to go, you have to bring something. Even when they tell you not to! My suggestion, in lieu of a gift for the host, bring something you love to eat for the buffet table. This way, you can avoid eating the crap prepared by the co-worker, especially one with questionable hygiene habits.

2. Go Alone

Just because you have to suffer through a night of office torture does not mean one of your friends or loved ones needs to as well. And why would they want to come? They don't know anyone, they don't care about your office in-jokes and gossip, and they certainly aren't going to further their own career (unless it's at your expense). If people expect your spouse to come, just say, "Oh it's his or her office party tonight too." Instant excuse! Trust me, They will thank you for it anyway.

3. Overspend on Secret Santa

If your office makes you draw names and buy a gift for someone or put a gift into a pool that everyone picks from, be sure to go over the limit. I'm not talking about buying a $100 watch when $5 is the agreed amount, but just go slightly over. If it's supposed to be $15, spend $20. If it's supposed to be $25, go $35. Just make sure that yours is the nicest and most sought after gift. Avoid 'gag' gifts, they are never as hilarious as you think when you buy them.

4. Pig Out!

Since you're on alcohol restriction, you have to do something to overindulge. Go for the food. Eat like your one of those skinny guys in One Direction, eat like you just got voted off Survivor, eat like your Kirsti Alley the night you got kicked off Dancing With The Stars, just eat!

5. Don't Pull Out The Guitar

Pulling out a guitar at a beach party or outside BBQ is great, people can walk away. At a Christmas party your trapped and people who don't want to listen to the few cords of Stairway to Heaven you play endlessly or your lame version of Smoke On The Water. The guy with the guitar, once a symbol of coolness, is, at a Christmas party, now just the opposite.

6. Dress Up!

No, don't bust out the hideous Christmas sweater like your Aunt Denise, but wear something nice and festive. Not festive in a holiday way, but make it look like you put a little bit more effort in than you do on the normal day. I would avoid wearing anything you think makes you look hot. First off, it usually doesn't and on the odd chance it does, you don't want to risk waking up naked, with your sexy clothes on the bedroom floor of someone you have spent the last 364 trying to avoid.

7. 2 Drink Maximum!

I know you don't want to hear this, especially if there is an open bar at your holiday party, but this is really just smart for everyone. Face it, you're not a co-ed at Mardi Gras, and you don't have the tolerance of when you were. When you start drinking bad things start happening, hey just do!

8. Don't Go Outside

There is never a good reason to go outside once the party has started. The only people who go outside are going out for a smoke, a toke or a poke. With your system fueled by alcohol, the chances of getting into trouble are high, especially on a cold night, in a strange place. Save the poke and the smoke for when you get home and have the toke prior to going to help get you through the ordeal.

9. Go To Work The Next Day!

Let's say you don' t listen to me (how dare you!) and you get drunk at the party, and let's say your company is stupid enough to have their party in the middle of the week. If those two things happen, you have to go to work the next day. If you don't, everyone will know why and they will sit around and talk about you all day. Even if you did something worth gossiping about, if your at work, you can at least do some damage control.


The Soundtrack from Grease is never enjoyable to anyone except the drunks singing it.

11.Schmooze with Spouses

Don't spend the night with the same people you usually always hang out with! The secret to working an office party: don't go and brown nose your boss, get friendly with his or her partner or spouse. Putting your nose halfway up your boss' ass is so transparent that everyone is going to see what you're doing. But if you talk to their significant other they might spend the drive home telling your boss how charming and sweet and smart and funny you are!

12. NO Pictures!

This one is important! Since most of us will ignore most of the tips on this list, ensure that NO ONE takes any pictures to use as evidence of your bad behavior. With everyone now having cameras in their phones, this can be a difficult task, but not impossible if you pay close attention.

Some source material from HERE:

1 comment:

Brent said...

Enjoy the bottom picture of the dude wearing the christmas cap. Is he a dancer?