In Ninesight.... Helmut by macpics

Serenity now!

Seinfeld

I didn't use to be a fan of the nineties.  I think it stems from what I was going through at the time.  I was still a teenager in Jr. High when the nineties began, still deeply in the closet and struggling with who I was, and even more profoundly, with who I'd be.  

That struggle permeated ever part of my being. How I perceived relationships, how I looked at pop-culture, television, movies and music.  I even hated the weather, and especially light.  It seemed to me that the 80's had more shadows, more places to hide.  The nineties seemed to shine a bright light on everything, making it harder to blend into the background. 

Part of this was due my own personal struggles, but part of it was real.  Technology was changing quickly and if look at many television shows and movies from the 80's and 90's, they got brighter with each passing year.  The 'cozy' lighting disappeared as if someone barged in and turned the dimmer switch to it's highest level of brightness. 

As I was making my way through the nineties, I moved from Jr. High to High School and eventually University.  Although there were good moments, especially in High School, everything was covered with the heavy layer of hiding who I was.  

I remember being on date and watching the movie School Ties.  I wrote this bit once before when I profiled actor Randall Batinkoff. (HERE:): Although I loved the movie, the entire evening was a difficult experience.  In addition to having to hide my arousal when during the shower scene, especially the sight of Matt Damon's butt, during the entire film I was preoccupied with what was to follow.  Anyone who spent anytime in the closet remembers the fear.  Worrying about what her expectations would be, would there be a kiss, would I have to fake feelings, would I be found out, would I hurt her.

With the nineties now distantly in the rear view mirror, I can now look back at them through a different lens.  I now love watching re-runs of Seinfeld and Friends and enjoy re-watching so many of those films I was so stressed back then while watching in the theatres.  I am still not convinced music was it's best during the decade, but I did love me some BUSH and Our Lady Peace at the time.

I'm also gaining an appreciation of the images, and especially the artists who were shooting the male form during the decade.  I didn't have a computer or even  access to the Internet (except at school) during most of the decade, so my connection to images of the male form mostly came from magazines and male models like Marcus Schenkenberg, Tyson Beckford and Alex Lundqvist.  There were also all those images from Bruce Weber in ad campaigns, not to mention Marky Mark in his Calvin's.

Why the soliloquy about the nineties... well, many of these memories came flooding back after Ian from macpics sent along this set of shots of Helmut.  Some of you may remember my previous piece featuring Ian's shots of the German actor and model. (HERE:)  Ian was just beginning his photographic journey when he worked with Helmut back in 1993.  Although Helmut wasn't the first model he shot, he was one of the early models that Ian photographed nude.

What I love so much about this set of images was the intimacy that Ian captured.  This is especially visible to me in the shower shots, and how framing and close-ups of Helmut's body and skin.  Ian was living in Germany at the time and didn't have a studio of his own.  Most of the men he shot were men he met, got to know a bit, and then if it felt right, initiated a conversation about photographing them in the nude.

That process itself was intimate and personal.  Today, a quick message on Model Mayhem or social media is all that's required to start communication.  Usually it's between a photographer and model, so the question of whether they'll take their clothes off, is not as risky as it was doing it face to face with someone who's never modeled before.

Thinking about Ian, having the courage to ask a man he barely knew, to pose nude, had me appreciating this series even more. It also had me looking back on my own experiences at the time differently.  My worries about a possible kiss good-night, although life and death stuff at the time, seems so trivial.  There was a good-night kiss, one of quite a few that we shared.  I got through it, and now in hindsight, (or in ninesight... ) I can look back fondly, and with appreciation, for those pivotal moments I was actually privileged to have experienced. 

macpics on Instagram

macpics on ModelMayhem