Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Climax Conclusion

First rule of being in a horror film: If you have sex, you die! Not a hard concept to to grasp, quite simple really. don't just die, quietly in your sleep, you die painfully, usually by being sliced and diced by an axe, spear, garden pick or machete. This is especially true if you're one of the hunky co-stars. Lets face it, you have next to no lines... your role consists of arriving at the camp in cut off jeans, taking off your shirt, going upstairs and having sex. Duh! The women sometimes escape, but not the men. Those who climax in slasher films, do so for the very last time. To prove this point, I took at look at the first 4 films in the Friday The 13th franchise. Why the first 4? Well, they got pretty dumb after that and...most importantly, they were the only ones I had on DVD!

Friday the 13th (1980)

In the very first Friday The 13th, Kevin Bacon gave us a very quick butt shot, one of his first, but certainly not last, nude scenes on film. Sadly Bacon's character Jack flashed his tight little derriere for the very last time before being skewered from below. Bacon is the only horror hunk in this piece not impaled by Jason himself for in the original film, the slicing and dicing were compliments of Mama Voorhees.

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1081)
Above: Randolph with the equally alluring Mark (Tom McBride). The wheelchair elicited no sympathy from Jason.

Actor Bill Randolph perfectly personified what it meant to be a horror himbo in part 2 of the series. A hot body, the blonde hair, and for his character Jeff, not a whole lot on mind except of course for getting laid. Sadly, Jeff's final orgasm would not be memorable, not for him anyway. Although hung, it was tragically on the back of the bedroom door...

The movie's special features tells us Jeff was supposed to have an even more bloody, and naked end. Test audiences found it a bit too disturbing watching him, and his bedmate, being speared mid way through the completion of the deed. Most of Jeff's grizzly ending ended up on the cutting room floor.

Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

Test audiences must have gotten over their issues between 1981 and 1982. In part 3, cutie Jeffrey Rogers has one of the most disgusting slicing in the movies franchise. After a quick boink, Jeffrey's character Andy does a hand stand and walks upside down the upstairs hallway. While still upside down, Andy appears to get sliced right down the middle, beginning at the point between the legs. Andy's end was quick but not the final insult. As of being bisected wasn't enough, Andy is hung on the wooden rafters, dripping blood on the unsuspecting person below.

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

Unfortunately for us, Peter Barton's Doug was already submerged in the water when the group decided to go skinny dipping. We did get to see the back ends of a couple of the other actors, including the adorable Lawrence Monoson, (above) who was a high point in the films forth, and not so final chapter.

I am struck each and every time I post about Peter Barton, just how beautiful he was. That face.. wow! Sadly, Barton has been seen on screen his time on The Young & The Restless close to a decade ago. After sliding into actress Barbara Howard, Barton's Doug met a quick, and wet end in the shower. Ironically, Jason must have had the hate on for Barton's incredible face, as it was that part of his body, the killer chose to mutilate.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nightmare on Elm Street series also had incredibly hot guys and showed a little bit of skin. Especially part 2 which was very homoerotic.