Some of you, those who read my rambling amongst all the purdy pictures, might remember that although I grew up in a fairly big city. At 26, after ending a long term relationship I decided my life needed a shake up and left a good job in the city, and moved to a small rural town about two hours from my family and friends. I get to the city often, sometimes a couple of times a week and see my parents on a regular basis. Today, as I walked through the fields with my dogs, for the first time in my life I questioned what kind of son I am. I sort of always had it as a given that I was a good son, but today I realized that is not exactly true.
I drove home yesterday to see my father for father’s day. I chose Saturday, instead of today, so that I could hit a few stores which would not be open today. I helped my father lay some sod in the back yard, took he and my mother out for Chinese, and left a cute card and some chocolate covered cashews. I did everything I was supposed to I guess, but I know it was more duty than heart felt. I love my father dearly, I was blessed with a gentle father, one who never judged or criticized me (that was my mothers job). He was supportive and was the person who role modeled for me that there is no room for cruelty in this already difficult life.
Despite all of this, all through the laying of sod, the Chinese, the visit... my thoughts were mostly focused on time. I did not enjoy, or give the moment over to my father. I was waiting for dinner to end so I could leave, hit the places I wanted to visit, and hit the highway for the two hour drive home. I put in a day, like I would a work day, because I was supposed to, because it was the expected.. I realized thinking about my yesterday that my rating as a son would be closer to average, more so-so than stellar. With each year that passes, it often seems life pulls you hard to think more and more of yourself and less and less of others. Not sure if this is just for me or a universal fight but it is one I think I need to prepare to fight much harder in the future.
5 comments:
It's nice that you shared that with us. I hope that you have shared, or will share it with your father...while you still can.
Cheer up, pal =)
Reading this sounded so much like my life right now. I love my father very much but I don't spend nearly as much time as I should with him. I look at other people and see what a great relationship they have with their fathers and I just don't get why mine didn't turn out that way. I'm glad you shared your story with us because now I don't feel like I'm the only one who struggles with this.
-Chris
Thank you, Tye, for sharing your honest, heart-felt thoughts with us.
Please keep in mind that we are our own worste critics. What we often dwell on, others never notice or even think about.
Thanks for all your comments guys!
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