The Merry Widowers

No, today's 12 Days post isn't about Cameron Mathison.   The actor is however, part of a pretty horrific holiday trend on Hallmark.... The Dead Wives Club!

There are many story tropes that run through Hallmark holiday films.  There's the small quaint town, the beautiful woman returning to help a friend, parent, book store or museum. There's that Christmas event, some how unplanned and without a host, even thought Christmas is just 10 days away.  There are candy cane factories, lightly falling snow on Christmas even and of course, all those dead wives.

Hallmark movies, are really horror flicks disguised with garland and tinsel.  First off, the gay sidekick is stuck in the antique store closet, always forced to act straight, and romance the female best friend of the female lead.  Those quaint little towns have an underbelly, one inhabited by residents reminiscent of the Stepford Wives.  They're always happy and smiling as if their bodes have been taken over by an evil group of alien elves.

And what about those dead wives, how did they all die. Most times they don't say, but I suspect it might be those horny six pack wielding widowers.  The widowers are of course always hot, yet somehow, haven't slept with anyone since their wives have died.  They've devoted themselves to their children, their jobs, their holiday light displays.

A Christmas to Remember (2016)

An emerging celebrity chef in NYC, is having a meltdown on the set of her Christmas Homestyle show. Desperate for a break from the "stress of her success" she takes a spur of the moment vacation in a remote Colorado town. On the way to her chalet she crashes and suffers amnesia. A kindly widower with young children, still grieving for his dead wife, takes a dazed Jennifer to his home and they wind up having magical and healing holiday experiences that both transform and heal them all.

Cameron Matthison

My gut tells me these home alone husbands are more sinister than they first appear.  My gut tells me there's an underground club where unhappy husbands from around the world are recruited, move to the town, then trained on the easiest way to off your lady without being caught....

Christmas Getaway (2017)

A travel writer takes a Christmas vacation, but finds herself double-booked with a widower, his mother, and his daughter at the holiday site.

Travis Van Winkle

Of course it makes sense Hallmark would want widowers.  They illicit immediate sympathy from both the viewer, and the hot new ad executive in town for the holidays.   They want children in the movie for those scenes with Santa, but don't want a mom around to damper the inevitable romance.

Christmas in Evergreen (2017)

When a veterinarian sets out to have the perfect Christmas, she assumes it’s going to be with her longtime boyfriend. But when a storm shuts down the airport, she crosses path with a widowed doctor and his daughter

Teddy Sears

You also want your male romantic lead to seem damaged, but only a wee bit damaged.  Many of the male leads are in their thirties and forties, and making them a widower, means not having to explain why they're not married, love holiday decorating and avoid all things sexual.  Offing their poor wives makes the writers job so much easier.

Nostalgia Christmas (2019)

'Anne's  annual holiday visit to the small town in Maine where she grew up is somewhat bittersweet this year. With her dad set to sell his toy store and retire from his wood-carving career, and the town’s lumber mill up for sale, this will probably be her last Christmas there. But when Anne is drafted and paired with handsome local widower Keith McClain to co-chair the town’s Christmas celebration, she begins to question what she really wants in life.'

Trevor Donovan

I started two Christmas films last week, one with Trevor Donovan, and one with Adrian Grenier, both playing widowers.  I didn't finish either flick, but watched enough to catch the underlying horror and tragedy at the core of so many Hallmark holiday films.  Be warned, if you meet a hot widower in a quaint Christmas town, sleep with one eye open...

Christmas at Graceland: Home for the Holidays (2019)

World-traveler Harper returns to Memphis for the holidays and nannies for wealthy widower Owen while awaiting news about a job overseas. As they grow close, Harper encourages Owen to break out of his routine and spend more time with his children, while Owen encourages Harper to have confidence.

Adrian Grenier