Beware: The Morphing Machine

The entertainment industry is on high alert this week after members of the Merry Morph Machine syndicate have been spotted in Los Angeles, New York, London & Atlanta. Sources close to the case tell FH that at immediate risk appear to be actress Octavia Spencer and award winning singer Adele. Both have refused to enter the machine and insist on accepting the dangers and risk by refusing to pull a Hudson and sell out to Weight Watchers and are holding on to who they are and what they stand for. Both women have been encouraged to move temporarily into the Clarkson Cabins Safe house in Canada (named after founding member Kelly) but reports say although Octavia is open to protection, Adele is standing her ground and refusing to live a life of fear.

Octavia

Our mission: ' To turn all females within the industry from women of substance to women of fantasy. With Barbie as our spiritual leader, we strive to suck any form of individuality, spirituality and exceptionally from the individual and then, by using big (usually blonde) hair, vapid facial expressions and sometimes leather, we want our women to be human dress up dolls so that regardless of whether our members are gay or straight, the woman can serve our purpose.'
Members of the Morph

Adele

The syndicate has been forcing women in the business to go through their machine for decades, but lately with the rise of reality television, they have been more aggressive in their pursuits. Although most women initially reject the transformation, with the cancellations of daytime dramas, increasingly actress's have joined the slew of Housewives (both Desperate and State named) who are willingly standing in line to go through the machine.

Housewives

Although around for hundreds of years, the group, mostly made up of out of work make-over artists, plastic surgeons, network executives and politicians, took the secret society public with the dawn of Technicolor in 1917. Although some actress's like Bette Davis and Katharine Hepburn fought hard to boycott the group during the 50's, both, facing a blacklist, backed down. In the 60's, the group again began to expand and by the early 80's, with Joan Collins and Linda Evans as human billboards, they could no longer be held at bay. A brief dwindling during the second 4 Clinton years and public outcries led by Alanis Morissette and Meryl Streep were short lived . Having Roseanne rally against the group was also unsuccessful and instead of decreasing members actually led to an increase in support for the group. By 2001, with endorsements by both Celine Dion and Nicole Kidman, no female celebrity, even ones no one cared about, could sleep in safety.

Morph Members

The recent alert was raised after members were spotted in and around The MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas during The 47th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards this past Sunday night. With most of televisions Housewives already Morphed there is a focus on hitting the women of Country. You might recall the near disaster from 1985 involving country superstar Dolly Parton. Half way through her transformation, Parton changed her mind, dragging herself backwards out of the machine. Parton's transformation, only partly finished, (body complete, but personality still her own), still haunts many Morph members who were present that fateful day.

Carrie (before & after the Morph)

After the successful morph of Carrie Underwood in 2007, the group was encouraged to continue to focus on Nashville's finest. You might remember Underwood, a healthy spirited country girl during her time on American Idol. Since the morph she has been a source of pride for the Morph's, almost erasing the memory of the Dolly debacle.

Tragically it seems the country girl at the top of their list was sucked through the machine sometime over the past couple of months as evident from appearance this weekend.

Taylor (before and this past weekend)

Once an example of how to avoid the group, Taylor Swift appears to have been taken. Rumor has it the transformation actually began a few years ago when Swift was dating John Mayer, a well known advance scout for the group. After their break-up it was thought Swift was out of the woods, but her appearance this weekend again raised fears it may be too late.

Beware!

A side note to Men: Although members of the Morph have in the past generally targeted women, they have also been quietly working on perfecting a Man Morph Machine. Although an earlier version was tested in the mid nineties, the results (Kevin Bacon, Tom Cruise) proved too erratic to continue. The MM 2012 is expected to be fully operational this fall and word has it the waiting list is already beginning to fill.